slumdog millionaire.

what i'm about to share might shock you. are you ready? are you sure? okay then, here it is: i did not enjoy this movie.

yes, the cinematography was beyond impressive; the soundtrack was AMAZING; the movie gave bollywood actors a well-deserved chance on the hollywood screen; it kept things real instead of the usual "fluff" that has come to be expected of a movie out of india. and Freida Pinto as Latika is one of the most beautiful, heartstrings-tugging actresses to have graced the screens. and yet, the honest truth is that i spent most of the movie fighting the urge to just turn it off.

"expat" is a term that very quickly becomes a regular part of one's vernacular after a bit of time in india. it refers to anyone who is residing outside of their home country... which in my time in India, included Americans, Brits, French, Dutch, Danes and yes, Canadians. but it also includes Indian-born nationals of other countries, including myself.

as an Indian-born expat in India (say that 5 times fast), one of the most challenging parts about being in India is processing the tensions between "local" (ie Indian-born, Indian-raised) tendencies with "expat" tendencies. and by far the most blatant example is reactions to the begging industry.

and it is exactly that, an industry; a point only too well-emphasized within Slumdog. as a child, i was taught by family members never to make eye contact with beggars, especially with children. you don't need to know me well to pick up on my emotion, and my family wanted to protect me from being hounded by beggars who would immediately exploit my empathy and feelings of helplessness. even as an 8-year old visiting india, this reaction was drilled into me.

if i can be so bold as to overgeneralize, it is the way most locals react to beggars even now. it is not too different from the way North American populations approach panhandlers on our own streets -- while a select few might share some change, most treat our homeless as though they are invisible. and while beggars in India are certainly dealing with a level of poverty unseen by populations abroad, the reaction of the local population is quite similar -- few respond monetarily, but most walk by without a second glance.

enter expats. the most striking change i felt in myself was witnessing my expat friends break through this mold. instead of ignoring the children hounding us outside movie theatres, restaurants, rikshaw stands and pretty much anywhere we went, my expat friends played with the children. they asked them questions with what Hindi they had picked up, shared whatever food they had on them. one of the first things a traveller of India can testify to, is exactly how difficult it is to share a treat with an entire group of hungry children. sharing is not exactly in these children's way of life; it is much more of a snatch-and-run mentality. if i can generalize once more, locals tend to view this as a reason not to share treats at all. instead, my expat friends used their patience and a lot of non-verbal communication to insist on a little bit of treat for everyone.

i need to stop and emphasize that to a large degree, this is a coping mechanism that many communities around the world use. indian locals are surrounded by such immense levels of poverty, such blatant realities of exploitation, coercion, manipulation... that it is almost necessary to find coping mechanisms to endure it. spending a few days, weeks, months surrounded by these harsh norms makes it a lot easier to question them and challenge them; when the reality is yours for your entire lifetime, coping mechanisms quickly become much more of a requisite.

that said, i felt the change in my own behaviour over the few months i spent in India. i felt ashamed of how i had initially reacted -- as a local, recognizing the industry behind the sham, and refusing to accept that perhaps, sham and all, these were still hungry children. and so i, too, started carrying extra Parle G cookies for the sole purpose of sharing with orphans. i stopped thinking twice about giving away a soda or Limca to a 5-yr old wearing only a shirt.

on one of our travelling expeditions, 3 of us were in Mathura, Krishna's birthplace. we were meant to explore the temple and revel in its greatness. i had recently felt templed out after a few weeks in Gaon (our indian villages in the south), and my expat friends were rather well versed in the ways of Hindu temples by this point. so instead, we hung out on the main strip of Mathura where we were immediately surrounded by children beggars. this group stuck out as a particularly well-educated group. one boy was quite offended by our question of why he was not in school (a rather regular question to children approaching us for money), who insisted he attends school all day and sells magazines about Krishna only after attending tuitions. their english was impressive, and perhaps even more impressive was their attempt to CHARM us into buying their products! that 8 yr old boy was batting his long eyelashes and throwing us a smile (dare i say he was flirting?!) like no other.

but that is not all i remember when i think about those children. i also remember the one holding what we initially thought was a doll... and eventually realized was a baby. a dead baby.

clearly, discussion ensued. we don't know if the baby died from malnutrition or other impoverished causes... or if, as the movie so repeatedly highlights, the dead baby was being used as a prop in the begging industry. either way, it was dead. and it still sends shivers down my spine remembering it.

there is so much to be said about movies that tell it like it is. Hotel Rwanda, City of God, Born into Brothels -- these movies are so important for raising grassroots awareness about truly horrible aspects of human nature. after seeing each of those, i've had a similar feeling of frustration... it can start to feel like preaching to the choir. i may be wrong, but i suspect that many of the folks currently raving about Slumdog Millionaire are already AWARE of the realities of begging orphans in India. and while i am generally a champion of community awareness and the grassroots change it may create -- how many people who were so enthused by Slumdog have now felt compelled to try and change the world? it is so cynical to say, but it strikes me as more likely that they enjoyed a good flick, and returned to forgetting about the issues almost too quickly.

of course, these are extremely complicated issues, and no single viewer of a movie as honest as Slumdog can change the world. but bearing witness to the movie, not as a beautifully orchestrated movie, but as an extremely harsh reality, makes it incredibly difficult to have actually enjoyed those 2 hours.

those of you who are Indian-born have probably heard a somewhat typical Indian mentality of resisting movies like this. Deepa Mehta's movies -- Earth, Water, Fire -- while exceptionally well done, are equally difficult to stomach. the common reaction is, "we already lived through it, why do we want to relive it?". my family members are consistent in this viewpoint; many of them refused to read my chemo blog as it was too painful to relive for a second time.

once again, i find myself struggling with the local-expat dynamic. the expat in me is thrilled that a movie has given such a realistic portrayal of an industry with such gross human rights violation. the expat in me thinks that more movies like this should be made, for even if 5 individuals feel more educated, more aware, and start to think about how they might use their lifetime to add a droplet of positive change -- then it will have been worth it. but the local in me is wishing i had never seen Slumdog. the local in me finds it unbearable to acknowledge the reality of the situation, finds it crippling to let myself linger too long on how horrible some conditions are when the issues are so dauntingly complex. and the expat-local hybrid - that results only of having been born in India, raised in North America but with Indo-North American values, and having returned to India to live once again - truly did not enjoy the emotions that were stirred by watching Slumdog Millionaire.

so there you have it: my honest opinion on what is likely to be the only negative review for a potential Oscar-winning nomination. just a little food for thought.